Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
