It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
