Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
