i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
