My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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