i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
