You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
