somebody snuck up and got me drunk
is wine microwaveable?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
