I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
