plz talk dirty to me
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
