Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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