The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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