i think my tv is drunk
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
