so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
