haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
