a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Randomize
