It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
