Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
