i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
