her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
my nose is crying tears of wow.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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