I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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