do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
