My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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