WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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