I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish you could order shots online.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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