He asked to "fluff my boner.."
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
