i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
