guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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