Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
