she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
