shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
