Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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