i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
