so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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