dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
