No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
