i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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