Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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