I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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