tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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