This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My vagina is officially offended.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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