It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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