I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
