I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
