I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
