Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
