Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
