Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
