I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
