Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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