Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
