Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
