Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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