he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
