I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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