I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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