I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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