She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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